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                                                                                                 Funny picture of the day- The terrible enfant encounter                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

subsribe to LemMeOuts funny picture  of the day

A fine day to you my Global friends, today’s little narrative is again an attempt to quell this ongoing ludicrous myth that yours truly harbours an envy at those oooh! I’m sooo cute kinder, kit-kats, canine and other such appeable critters that might, preposterously, be a competitive threat to my, I assure you unshakable, Stardom.   On this particular morning I woke up in my Starry abode to find my previous evenings pre-slumber treat of two gluttonously large triple choc cookies both smeared and uncomfortably affixed, due to the larger crumbed portions, about my entire person therefore I can only assume that I had been so fatigued from my previous days exhausting entertainment schedule that I, poor love that I am, fell instantly into comatose state until Dawn, without partaking in my nightly indulgence.   Yours, much miffed at such spoil, foolishly ignored that this did not bode well for the day and therefore made no endeavour to switch my mental energy into positive mode, but surely all must agree the wreckage of two such lush, and thrice bedecked with cacao fruit, treats is not to be ignored so I salvaged what I could by feasting on the remains about my person for an aprox 22 minutes. Still festering on this near cacao catastrophe did nothing to better my mood in preparation for the casting I was attending at noon and to compound the quandary I had heard on the entertainment vine, of mainly soured grapes, that a much famed far tooo cute offspring whom you have coincidently witnessed above, was also attending, and not that I believed a ludicrous word, was tipped to be the peoples choice.    I was not in the least bit perturbed by this esteemed enfant and bore no notion twould scupper my own perfectly favourable chance.     Why! in order to show what a great sport I was I called up a good acquaintance, The Terminator, a fond title bestowed by moi due to the fact I use him to terminate the accursed an unfounded myth of my, not harboured in the slightest, envy.  This fine friend partakes by way of a 'show and tell' type exercise whereby I show any tiny 'collector of hearts' not only my goodwill but my good chum, who is, as is apparent in the picture above, of circus descent and who, more than children adore circus folks, and tell the cute collector of aforemtioned of adoring adults and all other living entities, I bear nothing but good sported fellowship. We dutifully arrived at the casting at the appointed time, and I remember stating to 'The Term' as I affectionately did term him that the famed cherub was thankfully, ermm! sorry slip of the tongue, I meant to state, unfortunately whilst simultaneously remembering that at the time I was particularly thinking I would be thankful to know of his safe whereabouts,  nowhere to be seen, but a couple of disgruntled, and pitifully without any semblance of chance, hopefuls lounging about, did inform my good self it was due to the fact he was surrounded by cast crew and cameras and none less than a luminary could get a look in.    Well yours, not to be unduly with out sporting chance upstaged especially for this coveted part therefore intending to be cast, truly was a tad miffed to say the least and sidled over to the edge of the enormous and ever swelling throng and, ever on the alert, did note the producer in almost secreted collusion with another party so did amble nonchalantly towards the conspiratous, no doubt cad, combo and did incidentally overhear and was not in the least amused at the private and prejudiced pow wow.   The conspiracy revealed the entertaining enfant must get the part at all costs or the entire production was off, as the coveted protégé had an endless and versatile repertoire and was a charismatic charmer to boot, never having been known to throw an unproffessional strop at all. Yours, conscientious, truly did impart this disclosure to the by-standing, truth be told hopeless, hopefuls which did incidentally, and who could have foreseen, put a spanner in the works as it did cause such an uproar it did interrupt the congregation of cast, kid and crew, a result of which I fortuitously chanced upon the soon to be cast cherubim and did in all good grace intend to introduce my amiable character, wish him well, and why introduce him to my good friend Term.  I beckoned to my canine-esque chum, to come forth, suggested a picture of them together so all could evidence at any future point in time my charming gesture, and then went in relentless search of the producer to inform him of my generous act for future reference of my own charming nature. Well I insisted the, a tad too reluctant producer, do come back to witness the delightful and harmoniuos  scene but both unfortunately arrived just in time to see the bambino creating nothing less than an appalling hullabaloo, at which I kindly highlighted to the producer his good fortune, inadvertently brought about by myself, to witness this strop afore irrevocably binding contractual obligations were executed, why you cannot be having this kind of tantrum on set thankfully you hadn’t cast yet, Sir I feel the immense relief radiating from your eminent person, and can only be privileged to have by sheer chance, have been a party to what must be your escape from a near contractual catastrophe. From of out of nowhere, and apparently directed by no less than half the throng who were in unison pointing accusatory digits in my direction, the mother did appear and turn upon me with unusual force and certainly an unexpected ferocity for a femme and did bandy ludicrous and most hurtful accusation why you green freaky spiteful……… I interrupted instantly and said "Madame please temper your mood your optical organs are bugged out fit to bust and I am calculating, due to its damson hue, that there’s such an unfeasible amount of blood rush in your face I fear the rest of your body will turn flaccid or be subject to an, irrecoverable from, attack of pins and needles and the your, I did admirably note slender throat has lost any vestige of its former femine state, due to the, evidence of its splayed tendons, and unsightly mottled and purpled rash that has appeared".   Totally ungrateful and indeed unheeding my charitable words she did pounce on me with such ferocity that had my own optical organs had time to close out and blot out the objectionable sight I would have thought twas the feral attack of a mythical beast. The produce, apparently casting aspersion towards my good self said,    "I smell a rat"   so yours truly, in jest and attempt to both effect damage limitation and retain the possibilty of future employment, did from all the corners I appeared to be thrust to and yanked from by the maddened mother, did state,  in an uncontrollable staccato tone that I haven’t a clue how to translate in order to relate, (so I therefore ask dear reader you visualise the sound of a violently flayed about persns communicative attempts)    "Sir the most effective means of ridding the place of the less than hygienic and not to be shouted about presence of such vermin is to engage the service of a professional body and I duly informed of an excellent little pest control outfit 3 blocks down opposite the multiplex cinema, the one with the showing of the bespectaled wizzardy protégé and his posh toff type pals, next to the cleaners where they impudently state they will not be responsible for their negligent cleanse of your personal garb therefore self-granting, but not surely, legally binding license to wreak havoc upon ones favoured fashionable or classic garment if the whim should and as it apparently often does take, or if one does fall foul of the favour of such establishment whilst garments are in its harbour", and I finally imparted "it's right next door to a delightful little enterprise that produce triple choc decked chewy cookies that do melt in the mouth and apparently anywhere upon the person, why only this morning………………….. Truth be told I feel this information had a counter productive effect as the shaking did take on an unbelievable violent turn and the entire environment was now saturated with such an amount of nerve shattering screams from Mother, child and half the crew that yours truly thought it best to feign faint in the hope the it might curry a mild redeeming sympathy, but no as I lay in feigned motionless but still wildly shimmied state, I physically felt the, I assumed producer,attempt to remove the relentless rough ruffian, I say 'felt' as until I was shaken free I unwittingly went with the pull of mother due to the unnatural, and under different circumstances admirable, way I was attached to her talons and yours, praying hard, truly, gravitated to the floor with expeditious speed and was dragged off by my feet by I assume a lesser production assistant and left under some improvised table, for what purposes I had not and now could not deduce, supposedly, until I regained senses, but actually until I calculated the perfect opportunity for a getaway wondering how it could have all gone so horribly wrong as my fine friend the yes, admittedly now in hindsight, terrifying terminator is a salt of the earth type chap, there’s none finer and I thank the good Lord daily that I gave him another chance after our first meeting when he freaked me, now, I would you believe, recall, to the core.

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