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Well there was yours truly walking down the street thanking the Great
Governor of the universe for all my good fortune, why he had bestowed
me with exceptional handsomeness, astounding entertainment qualities
and well my dentistry, an
essential part of my courting equipment, was second to
none, he ensured I enjoyed a robust constitution, had a
beloved family, good friends and to boot he had invented
chocolaty treats which I vehemently believe that, and will challenge any such
obstinate body to a two minute round of fisticuffs if they challenge
this claim, twas on my sole
behalf. I daily do practise my
gratitude’s to the aforementioned great Governor for such
abundance. Well as I ambled along wallowing in warm fuzziness
with a family, nay!
troop, sized bar of said chocolaty treat gripped firmly
within my left and strongest arm for fear of rogues who might try to
divest me of my prized booty when without out any warning but with an
abundance of appalling shock that did jangle every last one of my
delicate nerves, lay, in my path, a feral beast in shameless display of
drunken debauchery selfishly spoiling my beautiful day. I was
midst a mental torrent of ponderous rant of “why! the cad,
what right has he to selfishly and blatantly thrust his misery upon my
good self, he should be secreted down an alley so I continue
in my pleasure, but now I have to wrest with my infernal and
unrelenting conscience that do keep plaguing me and which I dare not
put to rest for fear I be repaid with instant karma oh the truly
selfish cad", when all of a sudden my minds chatter was hushed as
yours, now tormented, truly, did note a familiarity about the debris
bedecked dude
Why, this could not be, this littlest of hobos, was masquerading as my
old competitor in the dramatic arts of motion picture
luvvydom. Yes a cat cad who had many a time in his
younger days robbed me of a number of entertainment roles with his,
“ooooooh I’m sooooo cute, resist me never you
hapless human” looks, well I admit for a momentary instance I
did almost gloat "Why you robbed me innumerable times you
bounder, many are the coveted parts you did pilfer from my promised
person" but nay! I thrust that impertinent thought right out
of my near victom to shallowness mind and allowed my charitable heart
to the fore for this fellow friend.
"Well!" I did declare “I’m speechless, I
am well and truly struck dumb, why I could not utter a word if I tried,
I have been rendered devoid of any utterances, I have been robbed of my
ability to speak, if I could utter a word I would be shocked at such
ability, why I have never been so less able to muster a sound what on
earth would I say if I could" then due to the lack of
able-ness of speech I did prod my inebriated buddy from a
lengthy distance lest his pitiful state belie a wild wastrel ready to
pounce on unsuspecting fools but no, sadly twas no such
wastrel.
I did, with a genuine
and not familiar lump in my throat and I swear misted and moistened
optical organs, know without doubt it was indeed
my old chum and in genuine decline nay!
destruction. I
regained my lost verbal ability and enquired, "friend, what has brought
about this dastardly situation" and he did thankfully respond and say
"LemMe is that you LemMe? why! it is you lemMe, oh! how well
you look” but I did kindly hush him as I did harboured no
necessity for his energies to be squandered on what must now surely be
my wickedly taunting handsomeness.
“Oh LemMe that you should see me in such a non
redeemable state, how you must be gloating well I do declare I have
done you wrong and did use all artful practises to best you in pursuit
of shallow parts and now I lay here, my only friends these constantly
replenished bottles of devilishly delicious but evil beverage that is a
constant salve to my wounded sole and, and these
little carcinogenic chemical compounds that curiously do, as
well as harm, calm, my constitution to a bearable degree. Oh
LemMe pass me by and let me wallow not only in my self pity but these
rodent droppings and selfish social debris.
"Hush friend, said I in throttled voice, I will hear no such talk, I
will offer you my hand to raise you from your prone position nay! I
will carry your weary form if necessary and will feed you and offer you
shelter, we are all one and let none, most of all us once competitive
comrades forget that".
Well here I was in my finest role, The Friend, all the past and
recrimination forgotten and we did wend slowly towards my Starry abode
as my once wastrel now ward did relate his passage from
popularity to poverty at the hands of a shallow and
uncaring society. It transpires that the
seemingly illustrious business of show business on whose boards we had
both tread did cast of off 'the
long gone youth, and the were you really ever cute, why surely you jest' as disposable
commodities, there was always a new cute kitty with looming eyes and
insatiable hunger for success and he should, he admitted have treated
his lot with more respect At this point I did point
out the unavoidable karmic comeback which had without
doubt paid a visit as the great Governor of the universe does
give gladly but does take away when he does notice such lack of
respect. "That’s not all" he
continued "I have never conformed to my stereotype LemMe I harbour no
predatory or macho desires to hunt mice and especially those
winged devils birds why truth be told they all terrify me with their
unnatural swiftness and airborne powers, tis not natural unless
you’re a fat bellied 747 or superhero, but society expects me
to be what I cannot and this compounds my mental torment, I’m
good inside LemMe, God knows I’m good inside."
Well yours, inspired, truly said, "friend together we will, brave the
future, why look at me I do not let my unusual form, my socially
inappropriate colour, my lack of acceptable achievements rob me of the
pleasure of my self, why I daily indulge in the pleasure of
appreciating and reflecting on my own unique attributes and absolute
bother to the uncaring world who does not accept me".
Well we ate heartily and we discoursed for a lengthy time and as
re-formed friends did unashamedly share tears and best forgotten pasts
and make a pact of brotherhood to embark on the ever surprising but
potentially wonderful future with an avowed bond of selfless
unity and did feel warmed in each others humbled presence until my
weary no longer wastrel friend did yawn and stretch in that familiar
and still elegant catly manner and say "I must sleep now LemMe" and I
the good friend said "let me aid your slumber" and did turn off the
light to which my almost childlike chum did howl "LemMe I need light ,I
fear the dark it brings about hauntings of my imagination that only the
light can erase".
With that yours, the
new and quick witted saviour, truly, well truth be told not wanting a
disruption of own slumbers necessary for aiding my handsomeness,
and I did have a casting for a highly coveted part at noon ,did
shine a concentrated torchlight directly into his no longer charmingly
effective or oversized optical organs and not a muff was heard till
morning, only now yours, riddled
with pesky conscience, truly did wonder if the pursuit of
maintaining my tools of my shallow profession rather hasty towards my
in need of TLC chum and I think the answer was, yes ye egocentric rotter
as not a wink did I sleep, due
also in part to interminable pondering on the riddle of the whereabouts
my stray cacao treat, last known whereabouts in my secure grip as I did
selfishly help my hapless mate, and my Samaritan type act did have this
severe repercussion, and the fatigue did riddle and ravage
my handsome features, the casting was a disaster and, won, would you
believe, by a looming eyed barely born kit-kat whom I’m sure
without doubt was named karma.
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