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                                                                                          Funny picture of the day- The non coquetting Queen catastrophe                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

subsribe to LemMeOuts funny picture  of the day

Today I relate a right Royal tale where yours, attempting to attain my, I believe deserved equal station therefore mingling with the toppest of toffs, truly did rather unsuccessfully, as it will transpire as the tale around this funny picture unfolds, endeavour to court a courtly, but not unfortuantely coquetting, I had noticed so should have heeded this warning, Queen. Yes I had been summoned to court, for, I supposed, an entertaining or merely general but amiable chit-chat as I was world renowned for both and yours, destined to high;ight  my equality, truly thought a bit of wooing wouldn’t go amiss, well the day did dawn and there was I wearing my finest, and I believe highly effective and fetching, smile. Well there was my good self deferring, out of Toff type etiquette, on bended knee, and truth be told was a bit put out by that as I proclaim I am the equal of any man, woman, Queen, beast, whatever!, and let non forget that, but sensed at this particular moment in time, it was perhaps best not to discuss my opinion in front of, armed with offensive weaponry Queenly aides, and in front of such a tremendous throng, and made a mental note to self, to be having a rectifying word in more private quarters.   However always respectful of femmes whether fair, fatale or other type I said "M’Luverlee Laydee M’aam I fear I forgot in my eager haste, to sport a headpiece therefore are not able to doff a cap in your esteemed presence". Not a muff did the M’aam make and truth be told I swear I evidenced a mild miff. The tale, of mainly my talk only, does unfold as such. I was a tad unnerved due to the offensively weapon-ned ward wardens wending my way, but sought to conceal this by continuing with my, as you will discover as you read, unrelenting but jovial, general, without doubt flattering and hopefully courting banter. “Madam it is the greatest of honours to be basking in the rays of such beauty as I do behold, I have never before evidenced any that could compare, why to bear witness to such a delicate and heavenly gift I swear tis a pleasure to feast my opticals on such a salve that would rid them of any sores in an instant, why you must thank the heavens to have been so blessed, yes tis indeed the finest, though admittedly cumbersome garb, why you must have a host of heavenly cherubim squirreled away to weave warps and wefts to clothe you in such beauty, nay! I jest about the squirreled cherubim, but pray do tell who is the seamstress of this unrivalled and breathtaking beauty, does the fine wench knit also, if she lacks in the kneedle and twine department perhaps my dear old Mom could aide to rid you of such lack, why she knits splendidly and could run up a couple of cardis to warm your regal top end,  she recently executed, (I swear she winced) a volumous mass of volumous briefs for a charitable cause, why yes the world has been plagued by negligent celebrity femmes who would you believe have been evidenced running amok and with all akimbo, without, would you believe", and I inclined forward to discreetly impart, but not without noting a further wending my way of warrior, ward wardens, "undergarments".    I continued "Well I would not dare suppose to recommend her fine services M’aam if Mom was not overly skilled in the aforementioned art, and more than willing to recycle too, why I have been pleasantly presented with in-numerous and interchangeable rainbow hued stockings made from two baby's bonnets, a vest and half a scarf". Barely a major muscle moved only a more than mild furrowing of the Royal brow and of the still intermittently wending ward wardens. “Well Ma’aam that’s enough talk of frocks, you yourself are quite ravishing, well, in certain lights and considering you survived the dastardly smallpox, yet I’ve heard the King is less than appreciative, well your Royalness that’s Kings for you, they are more than well renowned for their fickleness and wholly inappropriate ways, therefore I cannot offer sympathy in that quarter, my apologies if that sorely offends, twas no such intent, I merely speak as I find, yes it one of admirable traits is honesty, so rare these days don’t you find“. Not a word, such hush, never have so many made so much silence,well not since all in the multiplex waited with baited breath to see why Bambis' mother was not in tow, and apart from the shuffle of another threatened wend.   Yours, now feeling uncomfortable, and not just from the still deferred knee bend, truly felt a hasty depart might be best all round and so continued. “ Well I cannot speak on your Royal behalf  M’laydee but I’m famished, do you fancy a partake in a bite of such edible delight, I swear my innards are griping with such ferocious intent that I could eat a scabbed and festered donkey, now I’ve been informed you'r clearly fine parents did encourage you to hob-nob with the hoi polloi as an Hapsburg enfant so there’s a possibility of a burger bar if i dare to presume, yet again, if that waspish waist is to be taken as evidence, you clearly do not partake in such offal or as some say, rightly or wrongly, awful patties, yes they are renowned to wreak havoc on the physique so how about a not too gluttonous portion of pasta, I swear tis the ultimate food of the Gods, well next to any chocolaty concocted edibles, why I’m starting to salivate at the thought, would you kindly pass me a Kleenex as you’ll be most miffed should any stray drool spoil your dress,  no! by the further furrowing of your brow that is not a fancy you wish to chance. How about a taco, hot dog, paella yes a nice fishy feast of paella or, halt your response whilst I sugest we partake in a curry yes a spicy treat of nonpareil, why you must be in absolute admiration of my cosmopolitan culinary cravings.   Now one slight, but bothersome, issue I must be drawing your esteemed attention back to, is your garb, though as established a true work of art it far too cumbersome for most modes of transportation, I harbour no doubts you will be refused entry onto a bus therefore perhaps there is a convenient local culinary establishment where we might travel by the mode of our own perambulation".  At this point I did apparently incline perhaps a tad too close, or in too familiar mode, and impart, "perhaps a little participation in lip mingling when we are in the privacy of our own company?      No!     peck on the cheek perhaps?     No!    privilege of holding your Lilied palm?   No not too keen! ”    M’aam I’m of the impression I’ve been brought here under false pretext as you appear most perturbed. Now the furrowed brow did perturb yours, perhaps overstepping marks, truly and at this the luvverlee laydee did bid some minion to the fore and utter the single but  bi-syllabelled  word “dungeon” well yours, having read of such abodes harboured no notion of frequenting such” truly did decide to did practise much, and far more swift, wending of my own to depart without any undue delay and as I did do so, did still continue with apparently uncontrollable ranting banter and did increasingly shout as the decreasing of personal proximately did necessitate in order she might still be capable of audible reception    "Madame I fear I have nether uncovered, conquered or quashed the myth about your person but merely inflamed your senses and apparently lost any semblance of favour so I might as well be in for a penny as for a pound" so did further state "I was prepared to overlook your excessive intoxicating beverage and gaming indulgences but now must, and most definitely will, speak my mind, "tis not only not womanly, tis as are all excesses, the path to ruiniation" which provoked a further, and even from the great distance apparant highly inflamed, response which did necessitate my again uncotrollable response and I did further, and I could not have known envisaged such accurate prophecy, Holler, as the distance did require,  "Madam you appear inflamed you have clearly lost your head"  to which such further inflamed resulting fury did seem to suggest yours truly, was truly best hopping it.

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