Good day my fine friends today’s picture is from my pre-entertainment days when I was critically acclaimed as professor Knutt Job the luminary boffin of experimental innovation, boldly going where no top-boff had gone barmy before. 

Here you bear witness to one of my infamous experiments involving a bit of a dabble into the exotic world of pet hybrids in a quest to restore a corrective state to a longstanding misrepresentation with regards to an aquatic beast and to personally cure gnawing and niggly activity running amok my barmy bonce resulting in a turmoil of torture due to an enslavement to paying over-attention to the intricacies of situations and circumstance.  A cynic might say Yours truly was a pedantic type that consequentially may result in a disorder of obsessive compulsive type.

Well after bestowing a glance at the evidence in the picture above one could be forgiven for, battling with and losing the desire to be, securing a hearty patting on me boff-type back, but no, please, hold back as I harbour no desire for praise, i seek only the self satisfaction of, once embarking on an inquisitive quest to reap, a fruitious result, also I politely ask that none pat me about the person until I have evidenced a quick wipe of their potentially deadly digits with an antiseptic wipe or lotion of bacterial-beating type, yes some might say tis an unfortunate side effect of my compulsive disorder, but I think tis nothing more than an exhibit of common sense when mingling among masses.

You might reel with shock to know there were cynical types that attempted to cast my genius into question and proclaimed me a sham, a charlatan and a practitioner of Tomfoolery of e-trickery type, using, not my intellect but technology applications to dupe you the good public with this image, why the bounders they’ll be casting doubt on the Lock ness monster next.  I bear no grudge, take no offence and in a magnanimous state do bless them to cure them of this state that gripes their innards with cynical stuff and nonsense and I rest assured that you my good friends recognise an unquestionable trial to create a truly legitimate Catfish.

Sadly I overlooked no less than two vital considerations,  the first being Cats!  don’t like water, therefore my protégé being forced to exist in an alien and aquatic habitat apparently is assumed, and evidenced above, to have wished to wreak revenge on yours truly and I had not realised I was moments away from a grim entanglement from a cat cad type  catastrophe, said cad being clearly ignorant of the etiquette of `not biting the hand, literally, that feeds one`.

I had also overlooked the vital fact that the feline species fare in the main on fishy treats therefore it transpires I had created a mutant beast of cannibal characteristic that feasted gluttonously upon itself till all that was left was a grinning face of fictitious  Cheshire cat tale type but sadly unlike fairy tales  `tad no happy ending as my experimental beast had eaten its own ending right up to its neck and it was therefore lleft literally up to its own neck, which was almost all it now possessed, bobbing about in not literally hot, but still of a predicament type in salt water.

Clearly however we find the proverbial silver lining in this otherwise cloudy tale as tis apparent my pedantic and compulsive disorder was clearly long gone hence my lack of diligence to these two vital issues, therefore a personal trimph was achieved after all.   Now if you forgive my leave whilst I partake in a quick shimmy about my person with an antiseptic wipe to rid myself of the bacteria, yes unseen to the naked optical organ, but mark my words they are abound in their never decreasing multitudes, running amok my keyboard, mouse, desk-top, oh yes the little bounders are everywhere, which tis bad enough but if its microbes not of my own filth, but of another bodies, why I shudder to ponder on it.