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A good
day to you my good friends, I hope the fine sun is bearing down on
you, Today’s picture from my Out
& About shenanigans is my first, as you will see blunder-some,
encounter with your, I
didn’t realise at the time, officious law
enforcers. My good friend. the one in casual but I believe
fetching wooing attire with his, otherwise unruly, tresses tidily tamed
and fettered, and I, had been out testing my newly
acquired vehicular carriage to see if it measured up to its, boasted of,
abilities, by the braggart purveyor
of the local, barely used, for a
goodly number of decades in most of them, automobiles he
had assured me this was not only environmentally friendly but
would bowl the laydees over, its
only with hindsight I realise he was perhaps prophetic and
meant either, due to its I soon realised, unruly linkage system for
effecting some kind of steerabilty, or with ridicule induced laughter.
Well he duly relieved me of an ample amount of coinage in exchange for
the, not so much
coveted as settled for due to fiscal lack, temporary until
further entertainment opportunities arose, vehicle, but
when all said and done I was reasonably delighted with the transport
and felt it suited my maverick
character.
Well it was my first outing and I had collected my
companion and we were driving along the highway in order that
I display the promised attractive qualities of my apparent laydee
magnet and in doing so had managed to achieve the guarenteed, yes the vendor was true to his
word, 0-10 in 5 minute, speed.
For reasons that will unfold, we, as is evidenced in this picture, were
parked in stationary, at last, mode talking to the three, I had wrongly
assumed, members of some official automobile admiration society.
Let the tale unfold.
Seemingly senior member of said erronously
assumed society.
“You were driving at a speed of 5”
“ Yes Sir, I’m highly delighted,
that’s what the vendor promised and by jolly he was of not,
the at initial glance dubious cast, but actually honest mould, so rare
these days don’t you find?”
“It’s a 30 zone”
“ Aah! but Sir, the price of the more expeditious
vehicles, were, lets say, in a monetary bracket out of my immediate
attainment, I cannot surely be held accountable for my fiscal lack, why
I barely have enough currency left to to fix the abominable racket
inducing fault on the undercarriage, yes I think a vital component part
has become detached from its necessary housing and is trapped do doubt,
due to the lowly suspended undercarriage, which appears to
trap also all in its path with no hope of relinquishment, why I swear
two cats and a previously deceased creature of no recognisable feature
are under there, as there they were, and within seconds, there they
weren’t"
“Your not taxed I note”
“ Sir I assure you I taxed to such a state i swear have never
felt more drained than as a result of this near catastrophe
journey“.
“You were swerving all over the road”
“Well Sir, that I put down to two facts,
one! the debris both of the cars own disconnected, as previously stated,
parts and all that foolishly dared, with the exception the
pre-deceased creature of unrecognisable state, to meander into
its path being trapped therefore
playing havoc with the steerability and the fact I thought I saw a tree
looming and swerved to avoid it, but would you believe it, and
you’ll chortle when I tell you, it was my air freshener
swaying about with wild abandon due to the apparently unruly control
brought about by I suspect by the aforementioned faulty linkage of
steering equipment, laugh I bet your fit to bust, no! hmm! I
find it highly amusing with retrospect myself"
"Air freshener this car has no top the air is rushing in in gales"
"Yes Sir as I said I am environmentally conscious, why!
I’m positively full of toxins swalling great gulps
of noxious gales as I do drive along, the air freshener does,
in its own toxin filled state, just make it a tad more bearable due to
its rather florally inclined and mildly redeeming odour"
"So you were driving along and you swerved and hit the kerb"
"no Sir, first I hit the bollard which made me totally lose the little
control, due to the
ineffective linkage system, that I had, therefore I
consequentially I veered into the sidewalk, but most
fortuitously I missed the lady walking her pet by a cats
whisker, hah hah, that could have been a catastrophe, looks
like someone up there likes me. huh!"
"Have you been drinking"
"why no Sir I had a mineral water three hours ago and I certainly
don’t partake in intoxicating beverage in fact
that’s why I was driving, my fine friend here was barely able
to control the vehicle what so ever thanks to affects of a number of
rounds of the devils brew, which as a result of his copious
imbibe of such he had thrown a real petty strop unless I let
him have a bash at driving, well I was getting giddy sat here
watching everything from trucks and houses and people looming before, and only by I am sure the
instant effect of rapid prayers missing, us and therefore
I insisted we switch places which I assure you is not no mean feat at
nearly 10 miles an hour"
"So you, mean to tell me your friend here was under the
influence of intioxicating beverage and whilst still in motion you did
both clamber about the vehicle"
"Sir I take offence, I manoeuvred with admirable
agility, there was no clambering, which implies clumsy and
ungainly effort"
"but at some point,for a number of seconds your friend had no
control of the vehicle"
" that’s almost correctSir but think it was nearer a
minute, as we were both confused and thought for a moment the steering
apparatus had dropped off, but then we realised we were facing
backwards and then we uncontrollably rolled about and laughed for an
eternity and then rectified the situation when we felt fit and
then we were snapped from our uncontrollable laughter by I assure, an
untoward and most unplesant incident that we wtinessed during the
latter part of the time in question time, yes three thugs beating up an
elderly chap, yes the wastrals took his walking aid and beat him about
his person with it but surely you must have seen this yourselves why
you must have been seconds behind us"
"I tell you would have laughed it was so funny, not the poor chap part,
the incorrect positioning part"
"Sir may I see your license"
"Oh no sir I don’t have one,ou see it s the first time I have
driven, well I did not have a vehicle, hence no such need until I
bought this not more than an hour ago, so now I shall set about
acquiring a license, might I purchase one from the 7-11 would know I
know my my agent Isaac Howboy often tells me thats where most seem to
have aquired theirs, Sir I must say I admire your fine footwear may I
enquire about the price because I believe I could offer you the same
for a tenth of such price as an acquaintance of mine does apparently
receive a numberof supposedly damaged articles, well they are implied
damaged as they goods obtained from a combination of reckless
truck driving and negligent cargo restrait resulting in their
apparently constant fall in transit, why I’ve yet to
buy a battered item from him, i swear they of excellt state"
"Well we are going to have to see what the judge says about all this, I
suggest you get yourself a lawyer"
"well I do use the services of a reasonably fine, not overly
comptent chap Isaac Rook, perhaps you’ve heard of
him best of a bad bunch well nay theres about 5% are fine and admirable
but why such talk of a judge, I need no person to award merits
for my skills, I feel no need to boast"
At which this point it was disclosed to my self these were indeed
officers of the law and blah blah blah blah
So I merely said "Sir I feel guilty, only through the fact, that
already I have used considerable time of you three fine chaps, well
truth be told yours alone Sir, these two cads just have loitered around
whilst your goodself was the only party endeavouring to enforce some
regulatory state therefore I feel it only right to relieve you of your
duty to me in order that you go to assist the poor chap no
doubt laying prone in the street stripped of his personal effects and
dignity whilst I selfishly appeared to have arrested , no pun intended
Sir, attention three fine officers.
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