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Good day my fine friends today’s tale is a true success story and hopefully an inspiration to you all, yes you may recall my pet pal, recumbent here in pampered and clearly pleasurable state, previously did suffer from the plight of sporting a publicly offensive dental array, yes twas enough to make a glass eye cry, and you may further recall, and hopefully might have personally donated funds to, my own selfless charity fundraising campaign to purchase for my once-blighted buddy this fine set of super-celebrity-smile style dupery orthodontic covers to enhance, nay! downright rectify his grotesque facial disfigurement. Let it shine out that in this shallow society, LemMe despite his Star status is not indifferent to the suffering of others. Well, inspired by such a transformation yours, always on the quest for coffers, truly decided to embark on opening an emporium of luxurious type to provide a service of cosset and reconstruction to both Stars and Mere Celebs of either pet or person type, yes we do not discriminate. in exchange for fiscally relieving said parties of substantial amounts of said coffer. Some might say that to front such a pampered practise tis not a manly pursuit but I believe a freshly scrubbed fop or dandy type chap is as manly as any, just less publicly offensive. Well I am highly delighted to announce LemMe’s prestigious pet and personage pampering establishment is settling down to a successful state after, I thought a never ending number of teething problems which unfortunately could not be disguised with a glossed duplicitous type of covering as could my pet pals. Thankfully most have forgotten the incident involving the overly tactile therapeutic masseuse, frankly I find it an admirable trait to perform beyond a call of duty but that’s just my maverick opinion and who would not appreciate a gratuitous, and yes admittedly curious, caressing of a goitre, We have also recovered finally from the unfortunate series of skin-tag snag-type issue, which you’ll chuckle when you when you hear this, Yours, intent on affirming his authority, truly came to near fisticuffs with the second masseuse but I in my greatness now admit, I incorrectly accused him of negligently or deliberately, whichever is no longer an issue, not removing his array of bling before embarking on his personal and tactile tasks. It has since transpired the poor chap was blighted with virally infected palms and twas none more than extremely crusted and calloused protrusions connecting inadvertently with rouge tags of skin type, well tis no use crying over spilt blood. No!, there’s no need to highlight my faux pas, I am aware tis usually tumbled milk, but twas actually deliberate s I feel this misappropriate use of a familiar saying appropriate in this instance. Well, The Sunflower Seed and Honey Scrub was initially a total disaster resulting in 11 pets of both feline and canine type and one androgynous unruly tressed performer of rock rongs being shaved to the buff, a result of which at least a gross of Bic razors were ruined, eating into the profit margin and enforcing a fiscal deficit to show on my business projections for the next six months. Well 4 weeks on seeds are resurfacing here there and everywhere and all patrons have been banned from barefoot activities for the present and we have had to refuse entry to any pet or person sporting lengthy or shagged coiffure for, we have calculated, at least another 8 weeks by which time we will have used all the bulk and bargain scrub under strict supervision and will have replenished stocks with a superior and definitely fit for purpose product with no comcern for cost. The calloused cad with curious caressing tendencies has been dispatched with and the finding of rogue and quite detrimental seeds is expected to be few and far between in the imminent future therefore we are embarking on a new marketing campaign and as such would like to inform you we will be offering a new and scaled price range. Our Bronze Budget Package is for parties in possession of regular and inoffensive characteristics and only in need of a mild refresher type enhancement or few days respite. The Silver Premium Package is for parties necessitating a complete makeover but not possessing more than two offensive or irregular features or more than 30% body tresses. Our Prestigious and Golden Packageprice is available on Request having been determined on discovery of the extent of the mission of restoration for those one step away from a condemned state. |