subsribe to LemMeOuts funny picture of the day |
A good day to you my friends, today you witness in this picture yours, inhaling frantically, truly enjoying, Nay! luxuriating in volumous breaths of atmospheric chemical cocktail combinations of monoxides, sulphides and dioxides from vehicular and industrious source and I swear twas heavenly sweet. What! has this fine and exceptionally handsome fellow been rendered less than able to reason, (no doubt from the aforementioned inhalation) I hear your disembodied cry, Why! tis an irrefutible fact the atmosphere does rain polluting particles that cause untold malady, infirmity, discomforts and numerous other irregularities to the physical and mental constitution. Yes my fine friends, I here you, and agree in entirety but have you also been robbed of logical contemplation, did you, perhaps in your eager haste to read more of yours truly‘s daily relates perhaps negligently not take in all the evidence of my confined surroundings. Yes, yours, midst hysterical panic despite the apparent composed air evidenced, truly was trapped In a municipal place of public convenience having been lured into this bacterial factory through dupery by these conniving cat pets who had used as an advantageous and vengeful gain, knowledge of my fastidious attitude to matters of public hygiene and my fear of all things dastardly unhygienic if not of my own hygienic lack, why yes I have no issue mental or other as to wallowing in my own squalor but I draw the line at basking in the bacterial deposits of the otherwise good public. Well these cat cads had, after the aforementioned lure, and with an accomplice who had on bolting the door had bolted himself, then used their unnatural and paranormal agility and I assume one of their abundance of lives to leap out of the den of dastardly deed deliverance leaving yours, not so agile, magically powered or endowed with such a multitude of disposable lives, well and truly abandoned, truly with no defence to hand against the environmental hazards of this confined quarter. . Now if you, your good self, ever had the misfortune to spend more than the absolute necessary, or in fact, any time in such a public place of personal performance you will understand what a major exercise it is to execute the exercise with the minimum of tangible contact therefore resulting in as minimum contamination as possible. Well yours, as is evidenced not garbed in human attire, truly has no such comforting cuffs or other such fabric defence of which to manhandle all infested convenience equipment, but have given it considerable thought on behalf of such as you my good friends and do therefore state the cuff-over-for-contact the best of all, then divest yourself of the cuffed garment for cleansing purposes at the earliest presented opportunity. I have chanced upon and become acquainted with numerous articles on ‘tinterweb, yes that accursed addictive, inquisitive-inducing tinterweb, whereby I begin my e-quest searching for 101 palatable (their not all) recipes for chocolaty edibles and without any intention by the end of the said quest I become reasonably knowledgeable in everything from the fact that 5 billion crayons are produced each year, to the haunting fact that one flush of the personal throne does erupt a volume of pollutant particulate matter that defy gravity for a few hours before carpeting their landed environment with fecal, not fairy, dust. Well, abandoned by these cruel critters I was thrust into turbulent mental agony as all thoughts of chocolaty recipes were well and truly out the window, with the pet poop perps, and all I could recall, would you believe with utmost clarity, were facts of environmentally ambient fecal and other foul nature and with absolute detail as to the detailed quantities of said fecal and foul matter found on every surface from keyboards to telephones once you escaped from its volcanic source in the throne room. I was now feeling faint through a combination of mainly thoughts of, the said floating fecal, fear, over inhalation of the environmental cocktail and a good few hours passing since my last dietary intake but did try to wend on tiptoe the route to escape whilst simulataneously suspending inhalation. Now I apparently lost consciousness so the doctor, who was looming over me at the hospital to which I had been transported, did inform me, I had been found by some considerate person who had informed a passer by who had telephoned for aid, but horror of all horrors, yes, I had been found face down oh my ,,,,,,, face down in what! Well the floor was wet, I had been informed, oh my goodness...... was I prone near the throne or near the wash basin, it matters, it matters, it matters, to deduce the nature of the fluids within which I floated, how long had I lain there, what! a couple of hours, oh my giddy aunt! I was carpeted along my entire personage, front and back, with foul organisms oh thank the heavens I escaped. Buff me vigorously, yes with unrelenting fury, all about my person with antiseptic wipes, oh! I don't belive this never ending horrer look! is! is! yes! thats a tie! the doctor’s wearing, why only two days ago I read an article on the nesting of Staphylococcus on doctor's ties why the cad's looming over me with intent, oh let me back to the safety of my own familiar squalor. |