Here was I, just disembarked from a lengthy period upon an airborne excursion carriage ready to refresh and then enjoy the jolliest of hols.

I had foolishly thought nothing could quell my holiday high but the ever present contradiction spirit, instantly sank said high into a, surely never to re-climb, low as I caught sight of, and anticipated the tedious time about to be spent at, the revolving luggage muncher.   Foresight had however been a benevolent friend at least and I had ingeniously affixed an identifying tag of fetching red ribbon to my holiday toggage holder, sadly said benevolent friend had been none more than a chum(p) and after 46 minutes spent, watching said monster repeatedly regurgitate I made a mental note to self  that perhaps a more unusual colour might have been a wiser move, it would have ensured a reduction on the number of resulting heated debates and near bouts of fisticuffs.

As I ambled nonchalantly through the custom department expecting to proceed without untoward event I witnessed an innard heaving inducement which threatened to reject my peti dejeuner which as not entirely digested hovered at a sensitive level, as lo and be behold I glanced upon a corporate clothed employee publicly going above and beyond the call of his inquisitive duty, the said employee was of four legged  and definitely ‘far too friend' friendly variety and through either unashamed doggy dating ritual, lack of confidence in corporate comrade’s questionability or sheer and utter boredom had chosen to perform to my very own ocular horror, a systematic search of his colleague.  After a non invasive nosey about the said colleagues trunk and leggy regions the uncontrollable canine settled upon nesting his inquisitive nose well and truly in his pet partners personal places.  Which as you and I are well aware such pets can oft dispense from said places, seemingly their own weight in bodily innards waste, as oft as not you your fine self would have seen, inevitable trace substance.

The guardian of said unctrollable canine, and governmental reaper of levies evaded by conniving tourists, though oblivious to the nauseating act unfortunately was not the same to my cries of horror and instantly inquired as to any declarations I might have and yours, bold,truly replied I had nothing to declare other than the publicly displayed shenanigans of his undisciplined beast, well before I could muster another utterance I was, not frisked for obvious reasons but, whisked off to a lesser public place where yours, quaking, truly and well tattered baggage were rifled for contained effects before finally being ordered to ‘be on my way’

I lugged my long lost and looted baggage on to an avaible conveyance and wheeled off at a sluggish tread whereupon to add the proverbial to salt to proverbial, Nay! actual, wound resulting experience I spent the next hundred yards further cursed with the painful infliction of static attack and therefore subjected to intermittent bodily jerks from voltage injections coursing my now battered body that accompanied my once brave now bruised bravado, I lay the blame on the industrial floor covering of no doubt man made fibrous content.

As I hobbled towards the exit I pondered on the custom operatives numerous comments throughout the wholly unpleasant event and wondered at the callous indifference to his task with his casual remark, and ill timed concern for airport decor, regarding discoloured stools, I felt I must register a complaint to the appropriate authority though I had myself noted the shabby appearance of, long overdue for makeover, seating arrangement.

I felt a mild surge of spirit return with the presence of a smile upon my visage as I recalled the warm and fuzzy moment betwixt man and beast as corporate pet lovingly slobbered his pet affection about his masters, beastly, face.      Awwwwh sweet!